On Taking “Stripper 101″ In Vegas: Why I Did It & How It Went
I’m going to try to write this post as tastefully as possible, because I don’t just want to yap about how much fun I had taking a class called Stripper 101 (even though I had SO. MUCH. FUN!). I want to express my motivation for taking it, the reason I feel justified in having taken it, and what I got out of it.
I recognize now that, to my potentially younger crowd of readers (teenaged cousins who might come across my imported posts on Facebook), it may seem pretty out of character — and, okay, downright “sinful” — for me to take this class. To be honest, when Helly suggested it as one of our Vegas activities, my first thought was, “That sounds like so much fun…but maybe I shouldn’t do it.”
(Side note: the issue of “how it comes across to other people, especially those in my family” is one to deal with in a different post, maybe, but I will say that I did not intend to offend anyone, and I certainly don’t wish to be a bad influence on my younger family members. This is when blogging non-anonymously gets sticky, but it’s a risk I take because I prefer to be completely honest whenever possible.)
So why did I end up deciding to go ahead with it?
This is where maintaining tastefulness starts to get tricky….
The main reason I chose to take this class was because, after only a year of marriage, Joe and I are having some struggles in our sex life. It’s admittedly pretty bland and routine, and that’s almost entirely my fault. Without going into detail, I will just say that my sex drive and Joe’s are very, very unbalanced, and because of this (and other factors), many of our encounters leave one or both of us feeling not-quite-fulfilled — sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically. So when the idea of this class came up, I gave it a lot of thought and decided that it could be a great way to bring some excitement to the bedroom.
I’m going to embarrass myself right now and tell you that nine times out of ten, when I’m the one to initiate sex, it’s usually something like this:
- Get naked (sometimes throw on some lingerie).
- Climb into bed.
- Lie there until Joe notices me.
- Have sex.
And Joe has expressed, understandably, that it would be nice if once in awhile I actually asserted myself sexually rather than just flopping down as if to say, “Here I am, let’s do this.” I don’t know when I lost my ability to flirt with my husband, but I need to find it again. Foreplay? Taking off my clothes in a sexy way rather than just…taking them off? I need to make these things a part of my sexual repertoire.
Enter “Stripper 101.” This class is actually not, technically, a class on stripping. The two basic things we learned were lap dancing and pole dancing, though the instructor did throw in a quick how-to on taking off the bra and panties without tripping over yourself. I’m not going to act like this was all “serious business”, like I was taking the class because I need to improve my sexual practices (although I do) and I planned on taking notes or anything (although I kind of wish I HAD, because I’m already hazy on a lot of what we learned). No: While I did have serious motives, I still managed to let loose, and I had so much fun. Being in a room with 35 other girls, of all ages and sizes and levels of awkwardness, was somehow wonderfully empowering for me. I obviously can’t know what everyone else’s motivations were for taking the class, but I would bet that at least a handful were there for the same reasons as me: to spice up their marital sex lives. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that! (Now, maybe there were girls there who wanted to spice up their non-marital sex lives, or who really DO want to get into the stripping business. While I may not morally agree with those choices, it’s really not my business to judge them.)
Anyway. The lap dancing tips were so much fun to learn, and I honestly believe that beginning to incorporate those moves (and sexy facial expressions, which we also learned, ha) is going to help HUGELY with my relationship and sex life with Joe. The pole dancing? Well, we’re not going to be installing a pole in the bedroom anytime soon, so maybe that part wasn’t so much practical as just insanely fun to play around with. But if the opportunity should ever arise for me to be in a room with Joe (and only Joe) and a pole? You can bet I will be showing off what I learned.
I thought about going into more detail regarding what exactly we learned in the class, but it’s not really important in the context of this post. What’s important is that this class, though perhaps a bit taboo or maybe even a little offensive to some, is one step toward being a better flirt, a better sex partner, and a better wife. And for that reason, I have absolutely NO regrets, and I am glad that I had (and jumped at) the opportunity to leave my comfort zone a little. I have a feeling my husband will be glad, too.
Weigh-In Wednesday: What I Didn’t Say
Yesterday, the topic for VEDA (Vlog Every Day in August, in case you live in a box) was “Self-Image.” People put forth some pretty raw, honest stuff in their videos, and it was truly moving to realize how connected this little vlogging community has become in just a couple of weeks. But a bunch of us also pointed out that there was so much we left out of our Self-Image videos. So I’m taking Nora’s title from her post today, because I want to address the things I didn’t say in my video yesterday.
First, let’s do this weigh-in thing.
Starting weight (4/21/10): 167.8
Last week’s weight: 155.2
Current weight: 156.0
This week’s loss: +0.8 lbs
Net difference: -11.8 lbs
I gained a little in Vegas, and I was expecting that. This week I’m stepping it back up again, and I hope to be down at least a pound by next week. I’m happy with my overall progress, and I’m keeping it real in terms of accepting these last couple weeks of gaining weight, but two gains in a row IS a motivator for sure. So we’ll see how it goes between now and next weigh-in.
Now on to the serious stuff.
I think I came across in my video yesterday like I have it all together. Like I’m full of confidence and I see myself exactly as I am. But you guys, buried in the middle of that video, I also said, “I struggle on a daily basis with criticizing myself when I look in the mirror.” I said it like, “Every girl feels this way, so obviously so do I, but it’s no big deal.”
It’s a big deal.
Body dysmorphic disorder by definition is probably more extreme than what I struggle with, because I’m not debilitated by my perceptions of my body. But more often than not, I know that when I look in the mirror, what I’m seeing is not what YOU see when you look at me. I’ve lost 12 pounds, yet I still see the 170-pound girl staring back at me in the mirror most days. Some days I notice the change in my midsection, but my thighs, arms, and calves? I still hate them.
I never used to be a dress person, primarily because I hated showing my legs. I have always been self conscious about the size of my calves, the pudge above my knees, and the jiggle of my thighs. (I think it started when I realized that I couldn’t buy a pair of knee-high boots because they wouldn’t zip over my calves.) So, okay. I love wearing dresses now. But I still hate the sight of my legs in them. (I usually just try not to look at my legs when I wear dresses; instead I focus on keeping my tummy tucked in and feeling good about how feminine I look.)
I go to spin class because I love it, but also because I keep wishing that after this next session, my calves will shrink and become more visibly toned. It’s happening. I know this because I take measurements monthly, and because I can compare photos from years ago with recent ones. But on a day-to-day basis, I just don’t see it.
And here’s the part where I may seem to contradict myself, or something.
Like I mentioned in my video, there is one thing that has been a huge help in improving my self image: my husband. I want to say more about this, but I first want to give you a little background about me and compliments.
I’ve never been good at accepting compliments, and part of the reason is that I have held on to the insults from years and years ago much too tightly. I was completely flat chested until college (and even now, I barely fill in a B cup…barely). The boy I had a crush on in 7th grade used to call me “the beast with two backs,” and he told me once that he would never go out with me because people would think he was gay (I didn’t dress very girly back then). I was rejected in high school by a handful of guy friends who always said, “You’re cool and any guy would be lucky to go out with you,” followed immediately by, “…but I just don’t like you in that way.” They always skirted my questions about whether they thought I was pretty. It took a LOT of guys finally taking notice of me toward the end of high school and the first year of college before I started to believe I was remotely attractive.
I also learned a lot of bad behavior through the media, like rejecting compliments because it actually made people give them more frrequently. (“You don’t have to lie; I know I’m not that pretty,” was always followed with, “No, I’m not lying! You ARE pretty!”) But even though I was aching for more compliments, more affirmation, I never let myself take them as truth. It’s sickening, looking back on this stuff.
I AM beautiful. I know this now because I finally let someone tell me so, and I didn’t dismiss his remarks. Sure, sometimes I still catch myself saying, “But what about this?” when Joe says, “You look so sexy right now.” But on the whole, I’m letting him tell me how beautiful he finds me, because I believe him. He doesn’t just tell me I’m beautiful because he knows I want to hear it. He tells me because he can’t help but tell me. And then he shows me just how beautiful he finds me. *snicker*
Anyway, I feel like there is still a ton more I could say about all this.** I guess I just wanted to touch on a few things so that you know I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m getting there.
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How’s your fitness/weight loss journey going?
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**Case in point: I didn’t mention anything about my family’s weight struggles; I didn’t talk about my perception of myself as a person (not just body image, but also personality, attitude, etc.); I left out the fact that I used to kiss boys just because they wanted to kiss me and I thought that would make me feel beautiful and worthwhile; I didn’t tell you about how I took a class in Vegas this past weekend called “Stripper 101″ and WHY I took it and how it turned out… (Okay, that last one is going to have to be a post all its own. So, watch out. It’s coming.)
I think the WebMD symptom checker gave me mono.
I’ve been experiencing some very sucky and weird symptoms lately. Every day last week, I would wake up feeling fine, and gradually throughout the day I would begin to feel increasing tension in my neck and shoulders. My head got fuzzy and everything just felt…thick. But then I’d go to sleep, wake up the next morning and start that process all over. Then this Monday, I woke up and the pain and discomfort from the night before hadn’t gone away. So I stayed home from work until noon, slept, and felt somewhat better — at least enough to make it through the rest of the day at work. Tuesday I seemed to be much better, with only a slight bit of tension in my neck and a little of that cloudy head. Wednesday I felt almost 100%! So I was like, yes! I can go to the gym for the first time since last week.
And I did. I spun my freakin’ heart out last night, and within two hours after that sweatfest, I began to experience NEW symptoms. Every time I stood up from sitting or bending over, I’d get a rush of intense pain shooting up my neck and into the base of my skull. My head started feeling cloudy again, but in a somehow different way than it had been doing last week. So, I went to bed last night and thought, “Well, I’ll feel better in the morning.”
Not so. I feel bizarre, and uncomfortable, and a little freaked out. And you know what really DOESN’T help (besides having to be at WORK right now)?
Looking up my symptoms on WebMD.
Please reference the following conversation I had with my husband over Gchat a few minutes ago:
Tabitha: According to WebMD, I may have one or more of the following conditions: acute sinusitis, tension headache, fibromyalgia, anemia, high blood pressure, stroke, muscle strain, nearsightedness, chronic sinusitis, aseptic meningitis, low blood pressure, cluster headache, acute kidney failure, heart attack (female), mononucleosis, thalassemia…or ALL OF THE ABOVE !!!!
Joseph: lol
wow
Well, guess you are about to die. Nice knowing you.
Tabitha: Butthead.
Man, WebMD totally freaks me out though. Any time you select a neck pain, it’s like, “IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING NECK PAIN, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE YOU ARE DYING. SERIOUSLY.”
So yeah. WebMD has me thinking that I have both high AND low blood pressure, and clearly I am also having a heart attack (but only because I’m female?) AND I have mono, so watch out everyone or I might just kiss you and pass it on.
In other news, if this weird series of symptoms doesn’t disappear by this time tomorrow, I plan on drinking enough alcohol in Vegas to sterilize every last trace of illness in my body because I WILL enjoy myself in Sin City. (Dear Mom: I’m exagerrating. I promise I won’t drink THAT much alcohol…)
Weigh-In Wednesday: Not surprised, not upset.
Oh, hi there, little blog of mine. Did you miss me these last seven days that I haven’t posted one single time? (Sorry about that.) I’ve been pretty busy with VEDA and 365, plus my dad’s birthday party and my first anniversary.
But enough with the excuses. I’m here today, for the 17th consecutive week, to tell you what the scale did this morning. And yes, I worded that last sentence carefully, so as not to say, “to tell you about my weight loss this week,” because that would be a lie. I did not lose weight this week.
Starting weight (4/21/10): 167.8
Last week’s weight: 154.4
Current weight: 155.2
This week’s loss: +0.8 lbs
Net difference: -12.6 lbs
So I gained almost a pound, and like I said in the title, I’m neither surprised nor upset by this. I’m not saying I’m happy about it; it’s just that I know exactly why it happened.
I only worked out once since last week’s weigh-in, and I was understandably not on track with my eating due to parties and my lovely anniversary. Then Monday of this week, I woke up feeling like I was run over by a truck, so I’ve been taking it easy since then. (I feel much better today and plan on kicking booty in spin class tonight.)
I’m actually a bit relieved that I didn’t gain more than 0.8 pounds.
And, I’ll be honest, I won’t be surprised if next week’s weigh-in isn’t totally stellar, either, because I’m going to VEGAS this weekend! I’m not planning on binging or anything, but I will be enjoying a 24-hour buffet (not, like, eating 24 hours straight, but spending a set amount of money and being able to eat however much I want for the day). I will also be lounging by the pool. I will also also be taking a fun little class with Helly (more on that in a future post), and that should help me burn some calories, along with the tons and tons of walking I’m sure we’ll be doing. Basically, next week’s weigh-in will depend upon what I do when I get back from Vegas.
Considering the latter half of this journey thus far has taken place during the summer, when most people go OFF their diet and exercise routines, I am very happy with my progress, and I’ll take a little gain here and there if it means I get to enjoy myself.
Anyway, I am sorry about the lack of posts around here! I’m hoping to ramp it up again soon, but in the meantime, I highly encourage you to check out the VEDA and Project 365 tabs up at the top of my page there, because I’m having a blast with both of those little endeavors.
Happy Wednesday!
Weigh-In Wednesday: Week Wah-Zillion
I feel like I have been doing this weigh-in thing for approximately thirty-seven years. And I’ve only been ALIVE for twenty-five years, so you catch my drift. But even though I’m beginning to feel a little annoyed by the repetititiveness (repetitivity? so not a word, but I like it) of weighing in and agonizing over what might show up on the scale each week, I will not stop. It’s the only thing that has EVER kept me on track with getting healthy, and I’m not about to quit, now that I’m closer to my ultimate goal than I am far away from it. (I mean, I’m over halfway to the finish line from where I started in April.)
Anyway, last week I mentioned that my mini-goal for my anniversary (THIS SUNDAY!!) was to get down to 155.0 or less. That’s 0.8 pounds less than what I weighed last week, which sounds easy, but listen. I had pizza for dinner two nights in a row last week. And those two nights were pretty indicative of the rest of my week’s eating habits, too. AND I didn’t really work out from last Wednesday through Saturday.
BUT. I hit the gym on Sunday and ran 2.5 miles (plus another half mile of warm-up/cool-down walking). I hit the gym on Monday for the early morning spin class. I hit the gym on Tuesday for some weights and this awesome treadmill run. What I’m saying is, I tried desperately to make up for my laziness the first four days of the weigh-in week. So, was it enough?
To be honest, I didn’t think it would be. I was expecting to be around the same weight as last week, give or take 0.2 pounds. However…
This is what I saw (and checked multiple times) this morning:
Starting weight (4/21/10): 167.8
Last week’s weight: 155.8
Current weight: 154.4
This week’s loss: -1.4 lbs
Net difference: -13.4 lbs
Boo to the YAH, people. I am stoked. I’m so stoked, in fact, that I dedicated today’s VEDA video to this very topic. So, check it out if you want! I talked about a few things I didn’t mention in this post, so it won’t be too repetitive, hopefully.
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Who’s in on the weigh-in action this week? Share your links so we can spread the motivation and encouragement!
