The Things You Say… (Vol. 2)

Before I get into today’s post, I have a teensy weensy request of ALL of you. I know how great the blogosphere is at rallying around people, especially lately with LiLu‘s MTV TV competition and Emily‘s WeddingBells competition, so what’s one more little vote (per day)? My absolutely BEAUTIFUL nephew Levi is in a Gerber Baby competition, and it is sickeningly easy to vote for him. Just go here and search for “Levi, Palm Desert” (first name and city) and then vote! You only have to enter your email address, and you won’t get any spam, promise! You can vote once per day per email address per computer, so if you have mutiple email accounts AND multiple computers, go all out! You’re my collective hero, pals.

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And now, on a completely unrelated note. Remember this?

This past weekend, Helly gathered all her favorite inappropriate-humor-prone friends to introduce them to the Game of Things. In case you don’t feel like reading the linked post above, here’s the basic premise of the game:

A card is read aloud which has a statement on it such as, “Things you shouldn’t collect,” and everyone in the group writes down an answer to the prompt. We like to encourage people to go all out with their answers, making them completely off-the-wall, ridiculous, or even downright WRONG. It just makes it so much more hilarious, is all. Anyway, once everyone’s answers are collected, the reader recites them all, and you go around the circle guessing who wrote which answer.

Oh, and THIS time, Helly was a genius and prepared an excel file where she wrote down everyone’s answers each round for easy viewing, because in a group of ten people, it gets a little tiresome having to say, “Can you read off all the answers again? I can’t remember them!” Kudos to her for that idea. It turned out great!

So, since it was so uproarious last time, I volunteered again to be the Keeper of Quotes for the evening, and I’m here to share some of the highlights (or lowlights, depending on your perspective) with you. Most of these are things that were said during the guessing round, so they are TOTALLY out of context, which only makes them MORE offensive and hilarious. If you’re easily offended, please don’t read the rest of this post. Or if you do, don’t hold it against me, mmkay?

Here we go. WARNING: Some of these are preeeettty dirty. But don’t look at me, I only appear in ONE of these quotes… *angelic look*

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Timo: I think Helly had the endoscopy.
Helly: No.
Allan (Helly’s husband): Wait…”had” or “said”?

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Allan (to Helly): Shouldn’t that be an exclamation point?
Helly (giving Allan the finger): There’s your exclamation point!

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Allan (regarding a mistyped answer): Bukkake corn!
Helly: Gives a whole new meaning to the term “creamed corn!”

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(Allan explains what a hermaphrodite is to Amir.)
Kartik: Didn’t you watch Boys Don’t Cry?
Amir: I don’t watch gay porn, man!

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Amir (reading one person’s response to “Things you can’t stop”): “A teenage boy from getting a boner.” …That WOULD be hard.

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Chowdary (to Allan): I would have done you next, bro!

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Helly: Allan, you’re still in?
Allan: Things I don’t want Helly to say!

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Amanda: Tabitha, your breasts sag a lot less than my grandma’s?
Tabitha: No, but thank you, kinda?

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Chowdary: Kartik is cum?
Kartik: I’m a lot of things, but I am NOT cum.
Joe: Technically, you started as cum…

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So, yeah. These are the kinds of people that Joe and I apparently attract.

…

(Isn’t it awesome?)