Apparently I’m an emotional runner, and I kind of like it.
I ran the 5K in 34 minutes and 47 seconds. That’s 6:58 per kilometer. It’s 11:13 per mile. That’s the fastest I’ve ever run a mile (outdoors) IN MY LIFE.
And I cried.
As I rounded the last corner and bolted for the finish line like my life depended on it, and as I tore out my headphones so I could hear them shout my official time, I couldn’t contain the emotion. I burst into tears and hugged my husband (who had beat me by about a minute and a half) and just cried like a fool, right in the middle of the same lawn where six years ago (whoa…SIX YEARS AGO?!) I was a lazy, asthmatic college freshman who, nine times out of ten, opted to take the elevator to her fourth-floor dorm room over the stairs.
They were tears of joy, mostly. Tears of surprise at my own ability (because even though I joked that morning about running it in under 35 minutes, I was seriously hoping for 45). Tears of excitement for future events (because I am SO doing this again). Tears of appreciation for my husband (because he was willing to do this thing with me on short notice, when really we should have actually trained and, you know, been prepared and stuff).
They were also tears that had absolutely nothing to do with that race, or my absolutely awesome accomplishment. They were tears for things I can’t control, things I should have better control of (hello, mouth), things I don’t understand and things I understand but can’t explain. They were tears that I hadn’t realized were still in reserve from the last days’ events, and when I crossed that finish line and finally took a deep breath, those tears simply refused to be held back any longer.
And even though those kinds of tears aren’t going to do anything to fix the stuff that’s going on right now, I’m thankful that they came. Running is one of the most freeing things I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been told how powerful a run can be in helping a person de-stress, relax, and let things go.
But I had to see for myself.
I’m learning that even though sometimes I can’t do anything to fix a problem or make it go away, it doesn’t mean I should ignore it or hold back the emotions that accompany it and just wait and hope that eventually things get better (because we all know how often THAT works, right?). I’m learning that I can channel those feelings of helplessness, frustration and despair, and I can RUN with it. (Not in the running-away sense, or in the take-an-idea-and-run-with-it sense, but in the literal RUNNING sense. I don’t know why I felt like clarifying that, considering this whole post is about running, but you know.)
The point is, I’m seeing a new hobby on the horizon. And for once, it’s not one that involves either sitting on my butt (hello, beading, reading, Gilmore Girls, crocheting…) or ingesting craploads of sugar and carbs (hi, cooking, baking and, let’s face it, EATING…).
I never thought I would say it, but running?
Running is FUN. And I like how it makes me feel, both emotionally and physically. And I think I’ll keep it up.
***
Side note: My post from Friday still stands, but I wanted to write about this before it was out of my head. Due to the vague “issues” mentioned in this post (which I’m not comfortable blogging about because they are kind of huge, extremely unresolved and involve a heck of a lot more people than just me), I need some time to be in the here and now, to sort this stuff out. So I’m still looking for anyone who’d be willing to write me a guest post in the next week or so! I have a couple potentials lined up, and I figure if I “come back” to blogging before I get everyone’s guest posts up, I can just start up a weekly guest post slot until they’re all done.
Sounds fun, right? So, whaddya say? Wanna write me a guest post?
Yay! Go Tabitha! I’m so proud of you, that must have been a fabulous feeling. Sometimes the only way to get thought emotions out is through some sort of action like running. I hope that you can work through and sort things out, it is so very important to be in the moment during times like that. Sending big hugs and if you ever want to talk, let me know. I’m always happy to lend an ear.
Yay for you! It’s a great accomplishment! I felt SO good after my 5K yesterday, too. I wasn’t officially registered so I have no idea what my time was, but crossing that finish line was just so…encouraging! I’m definitely learning to enjoy running more. I used to absolutely hate it, but I’ve been pushing myself more than ever before and it’s totally paying off.
Running, and exercise in general, are so, so, so important to my mental health so I hope you can use your new found love of running to help you get through whatever it is that you’re dealing with. And you know the blogosphere is here to help, too!!!
Congratulations. I so know the feeling you describe, and it’s great. Also, you should go join dailymile.com, and friend me. Because it rules. Just like running. Which, uh, who knew it could actually be fun, right? Not me. Except now I do, and I’m never going back.
I am so proud of you! I wish the timing had been a little different so we could have watched you run. Keep up the great work!
Love, Mom
What a great accomplishment, Tabitha. Seriously, I think you’ve uncovered one of the amazing things about running (and exercising in general). It’s about so much more than just sweat.
Oh and I’d love to guest post at some point, but I’m going to have to take a pass right now …we’re getting ready for vacation and I’ve got entirely too much on my brain right now. =)
Awwww. Tears of joy are always a good thing!!!
This entire post made me smile and I was literally nodding my head in agreement through the whole thing. We should discuss this at length. so proud of you & excited for you!!!
I may be able to send you a guest post… not sure what it will be on but give me a day or two. I’ll need it as a study break =)
running is so unbelievably awesome. james and i just started and it’s one of the greatest things we’ve ever decided to do together. i hope that it’s something that you and joe could also decide to do together.
You have experienced what I like to refer to as “The Runner’s Zen.” It can be a truely spiritual experience.
“When I run I feel [God's] pleasure.” – Chariots of Fire
Congratulations! that’s awesome!
yay!
If you desperately need one – I could write a guest post
That’s AMAZING, very proud of you!!
Hi! I found your blog through Emily’s =) I love running too – I do it first, because everything seems to be in a much better perspective (sometimes completely different) after I have ran…and two, so that i can eat however i want
That’s awesome!!! Congrats! Congrats!
A few years ago, running for me, also transformed from something I loathed to the. best. thing. ever. Definitely planning on training for the Chicago marathon! 
This post came up under mine, “Why I Run,” so I read it.
Well done!! That is wonderful about your 5K. My first 5K was my best time ever as well.. 9:55 per minute… and I am two months away from my first MARATHON!!
Keep up with the running and it will take you far. God Bless.
Weezy