Disjointed: Run, Walk, Fly.
Lots of things swirling around in my head. Potential post topics are plentiful, but my focus is waning and I can’t figure out what to write about first. In a perfect world (or a perfect blog, at least), I would have split each idea into brilliant, individual posts. But because I don’t see an opening for that kind of time or concentration in the next few days, I need to get it all out now before it becomes irrelevant or I simply forget. So please forgive the disjointedness (and length) of this post, and let’s just pretend it’s one of those clever, intentionally-random bullet posts. (Update: I discovered something at least slightly clever once I wrote it all out, hence the titles for each section. Small victories, guys.)
Run
First things first: Last week I mentioned wanting to write about my 11-minute mile. I was going to tell you about how energized I felt, how empowering it was to finish the first lap and realize I still had more in me. And then I was going to tell you that on the second lap, I couldn’t stop smiling because for the first time ever, I was running a second lap which was just as strong as the first, and I knew I could go for a third. And I was going to tell you that when I was rounding the last turn of my fourth lap, I started laughing at myself because in my mind I was saying, “Take THAT, asthma!” — and I almost said it out loud. And now, I want to also tell you that yesterday at the gym, I ran at 5 mph for 15 minutes straight, which is a major record for little asthmatic me, and once again I was grinning ear to ear like a big dope and I didn’t even care because, you guys?! I AM A RUNNER. It’s official. And never in my life did I think I could say those words. Being athletic was something I gave up on back in middle school when I realized that trying to play my flute and march in a straight line at the same time seemed a lofty fitness goal. (Really, it’s a wonder I’m not 300 pounds by now.) All this to say, I wanted to tell these stories on my running progress in a much cooler, much more creative way, but this will have to do.
Walk
Last Saturday, my college roommate Rachel hosted a breast cancer benefit party for her cousin Becca who is 27 years old and has had breast cancer TWICE. They were raising money for an upcoming Avon Walk-a-Thon, so there were tons of raffle prizes, a silent auction, and breast-cancer-themed goodies for sale. I wanted to write a whole post about this event, because it was a blast! And because when it came time to draw winners for all the raffle prizes, there were some pretty hilarious occurrences. But to sum it up, I’ll tell you that Joe and I won SIX out of the 45 prizes. We split up our raffle tickets, each of us putting about 40 in the various bags coordinated with their prizes. The prizes included board games, kids’ toys, body lotions, and a few, uh…sexier items. See, Rachel has an aunt who runs some kind of erotic website/store, so she donated all kinds of products like a sexy board game called “Truth, Dare or Chocolate” and Kama Sutra kissable body powders. On the spectrum of “sex toys” it was all relatively tame, and some of it was just sets of bubble bath and lotion that smelled romantic. But anyway, I obviously put a few tickets in for some of those prizes…and so did Joe. So imagine the uproarious hilarity when the raffle tickets were being called out and I won not one, not two, but THREE of the game-type prizes…and then Joe proceeded to be the holder of the tickets which were drawn for not one, not two, but THREE of the sexy-type prizes. His face was beet red, everyone was pointing and laughing…and I never loved my husband more than I did at that moment. He kept saying, “She told me to put the ticket in there!” or, “Hey, we both win with this one!” It was really great. And be on the lookout for some upcoming posts wherein I will tell you a little about each of the things we won, and how we like them. *wink wink* (It’s very likely they’ll end up being password-protected…for pretty obvious reasons.)
Oh, and check this out: the guest of honor at the benefit party has a blog! Show some love, would ya? She’s over at Becca Beats Breast Cancer.
Fly
Last but not least: a wedding. I know, you thought I was done blogging about wedding stuff, right? Well, it’s not about mine. It’s about Cari‘s. You probably know by now that I’m making jewelry for her wedding. But what you may not know is that Cari lives in North Dakota. She lives in North Dakota, and she invited me to her wedding, and I want to go. Let me rephrase that. A girl I’ve never met in person, who I only know through blogging and the occasional Gchat, has invited me to her wedding on the other side of the country, and I seriously want to go. And yeah…it’s probably crazy, and it’s probably not the wisest use of my money, and maybe it’ll be the only time we ever actually get to exist in the same time zone together so what the heck is the point anyway if we’re not going to be able to cultivate a “real life” friendship, and maybe I won’t even get to talk to her for more than three minutes because she’ll be a little preoccupied with, you know, GETTING MARRIED and all, so how stupid could I possibly BE to want to spend hundreds of dollars to get on a plane to spend a day and a half in a strange place with a bunch of people I don’t know only to watch a girl I’m only cyber-friends with say “I do” and then get whisked away to her honeymoon having barely made eye contact with me…and — how crazy am I, really? But here’s how I see it: All that stuff about how Cari is only my cyber-friend and we may never have a “real” face-to-face type of friendship? It’s either complete bull, or all the time I’ve spent in the last year on blogging, getting to know some incredible girls all over the continent, sharing deep, emotional stuff and giving and receiving advice and comfort — it’s all a farce, it’s meaningless, and there’s no point in pursuing it anymore.
So you tell me: which is it? Should I consider it worthwhile to travel 2,000 miles to attend Cari’s wedding, or should I forget it and quit investing emotional energy in friendships with a bunch of people I will probably never be able to have coffee with on a random Tuesday afternoon? And, okay, I know there’s more to this decision than whether or not my blog friends are “real” friends. The financial aspect of it is really significant, and the fact that we probably wouldn’t have a lot of time to talk does matter to me. I guess I’m just looking for some input all around on this one. I’ll tell you that I’ve found some really great deals in terms of airfare and hotels, and I do have enough money in savings to do this (but it’s savings that, eventually, are meant to become an “emergency fund” like for a tire blowout or pneumonia, which I keep depleting to buy Christmas gifts and big-ticket items like this one).
What do you think about…all of it?
[Update:] I realized that it might sound like I’m seriously considering the possibility that my blog friendships aren’t real or worthwhile, and I want to make sure that you guys know I don’t feel that way at all. I was mostly going into an extreme-point-of-view situation, considering what the devil’s advocate (or people outside of blogging who may not “get” it) might say about this decision. I hope that makes sense, but please feel free to respond or email me if I’ve hurt your feelings in any way! I love you all.
Regarding the wedding, here are my thoughts. First, I don’t know that you have to assign such extremes to it: either, it’s awesome and I go OR it’s bull because I don’t. I don’t think of it in terms of all or nothing. I think that you should really consider alternatives. You’ve made the case yourself: financially, it’s precarious and you’re not sure how much time you’d have with her. Why not come up with an alternative that means you could have more time with her, like a weekend visit after the wedding or a meetup some other time? I always think that while weddings matter and are a big deal, the fact is that it’s not the ideal time to spend with someone. I don’t think that realizing this makes it any less of an important friendship.
Finally, it sucks that we can’t all meet up and hang out, but I don’t think it detracts from the connections made online. I don’t think that not going to Cari’s wedding is cause to stop investing in those friendships. I really, truly 100% believe that in time, we all will meetup and that those friendships matter, a lot.
If you think it’s something you want to do, I say go for it. You only live once! Some of my most irresponsible decisions turned out to be a blast and totally worthwhile.
run: YAY!!! running is fun and awesome!! james and i are just starting our own running regimen (and looking at running skirts. yeah. that’s right. can you say TOTALLY AWESOME?!?). and it’s really about spending time together and getting in shape doing something active that at least one of us really likes. it’s almost the same as when i tried to squeeze hockey into an already really really full schedule. but it’s looking like this summer will be a good time to work more on hockey. yes, we have rinks open all year long. yay.
walk: that’s awesome, too. it sucks that she has to deal with all of that, but the prize thing? priceless. absolutely priceless. i can tell you that if i was there, i would have TOTALLY registered for the sexy prizes too. in fact, i can’t wait for the stories. because i’m sure that, in true tabitha style, they’ll be hilarious.
fly: as hard as this is, i’m declining comment here. i know what you mean. i know what you’re saying and what you’re not saying. it’s all part of the thinking-through-this-really-big-decision process. whatever happens, though, i hope that you and joe are on the same page.
For what it’s worth, I think that a lot of the time these “rules” about who is a real friend and who isn’t one based on a set of criteria relating to location are just kind of in our heads. If Cari is in your life, and is someone you care about and confide in, how could any of that be made invalid by location or…anything?
If you don’t want to go because it’s too big of an expense and you don’t know her well enough, I would weigh that out. But I think that categorizing the people in your life according to location and how you met, and saying that they’re valid or invalid on that basis you might run the risk of leaving people out of your life based on where they are in the country instead of on where they are in life.
I also think that we, in general, like to feel like we’re really special and being really cutting edge and cool in what we’re doing (ie- blogging, skyping) but the reality is that people, and women in particular, have always done this kind of thing. We’re all just modern day pen pals, and there’s nothing strange or insincere about that relationship.
Re: Fly: I think Amy said it best, and I agree wholeheartedly. Why does it have to be an either/or extreme? Just because you don’t go to the wedding doesn’t mean you’re discounting the friendship you’ve developed over time. It’s not like it’s the ONLY time you’ll ever get to meet her.
I likewise think that the factors pointing to “no” are solid and sound. A wedding is not a good venue to socialize with the bride, and you’d be much better served meeting her another time, when you’ve saved up some more and when she’ll actually have time to sit and chat.
So, don’t beat yourself up over it. Consider and weigh the practical factors, but don’t allow yourself to think that not going is any indication of a lesser perception of your friendship, or vice versa. Because it’s not. Besides, the care and attention you’ve been showing her, plus the love you’re putting into her gift, are far greater indicators of your friendship than whether or not you book a ticket to ND.
I think that running thing is fantastic. It’s huge to turn the corner … and you’ve done it. Now, your job is not to overdo it to a point where you quit. Keep at it little by little and before you know it, you’ll be running whatever distance you set as your goal!
As far as the wedding goes, I think that’s entirely up to you. It’s a very personal decision. If you really want to go and have the money to go and are excited about going, then do it. Don’t give it a second thought.
Run: Excellent. So very well done. Take that asthma!
Walk: LOL at the prize heist you and Joe managed.
Fly: Wow… I’m sort of envious of the friendship between you and Cari. From my perspecitve I think it’s fabulous that you are both open enough to friendship and have become friends. As you said you won’t get a lot of time to talk to Cari at the wedding but I think you need to ask yourself are you going to regret it if you don’t go?
Tough decision there. Good Luck
I don’t believe we should set such strict limitations on our friendships. A friend is a friend and it should be that simple… I have met a lot of great people from blogging and granted some of them I might never meet in real life but they are still there to support me and be real with me… and that is a lot more than I can say for some of my “real life” friends… Go figure.
Follow your heart love.
As a fellow “married lady,” I just want to say that Kama Sutra products (especially the kissable body powder) get a thumbs up from me.
On Internet friends: I invited a couple of my mom’s Internet friends (who she had never met IRL) to my wedding. One couldn’t come because her daughter was in the hospital waiting for a heart transplant (daughter finally got one two months later and is doing very well!). The other is now my mom’s fiance.
I wouldn’t discount the emotional connection you’ve made with people on the Internet.
Now the money aspect is a different issue. Even this stage in my financial life, I would drop big bucks to fly across the country for one of my best friends’ weddings. Unless it would put me in debt (or otherwise deplete necessary funds), not going wouldn’t be an option. For a distant relative or friend with whom I’m not close; I wouldn’t. I don’t have any bloggy friends so I can’t say where I would place them on that spectrum.
I know you’ll make the best decision for you.
Congrats on running! And on the ummm, toys. Hahaha.
As for friends I consider some of the amazing people I’ve met through my blog to be among some of my best friends and I’ve never met them. (Hopefully that will be remedied before the end of the year though). As for your wedding, if you really want to go, I think you should go. Of if you could swing a trip after the wedding when you’ll have a whole weekend to catch up and have one on one time do that. You’ll figure out the best thing for you. =)
Running: WAY TO GO! I have a feeling when we finally get to meet up we’ll be going for a run together in our fabulous Brooks shoes
Walk: I don’t even know Joe but I can picture him laughing at the outcomes of who won each prize. Kind of funny!
Fly: Well, my dear, I know that you don’t think our friendships are bull. What if you were able to go visit her a week or two BEFORE the wedding to spend time with her? Or offer to be her executive helper the day of the wedding? I mean, we all know that’s what maids of honor are for but they aren’t always super stellar. This way you can spend time with her & share her special day. (Side note: I have a list as long as my arm of all the lovely ladies who I’ve met through here that I’d want at my wedding. Not sure if that’s crazy or what.) And no matter what, you know that we all understand where you are coming from, Cari included. You’re a fabulous friend to even consider going.