Pee-Yoo! Something smells nasty (and I think it’s your attitude)!
Just a quick little anecdote for today, because I don’t want to forget to tell you all about it, and because clearly I have no sense of dignity or otherwise I would NOT be confessing this to you right now…
On Saturday morning, Joe and I went to the gym (yes! on a weekend!), just to do some cardio on the elliptical machines. And you know how sometimes when you’re running/ellipticalling, it gets things moving in your digestive tract and makes you have to fart? (Is it just me?)
So, yeah. I was on a machine next to this other girl, and I felt the gas rolling and thought, “Crap…I can’t hold it in!” and then, “Well, if I’m lucky, it won’t be a stinky one.”
And so, with no other option but to let it out and keep staring straight ahead, I farted. And do you know what the jerk on the machine next to me did?
She didn’t just crunch up her nose, cast a glance to her left and make it subtly known that she knew. No, friends. She pulled her T-shirt up over her nose, held it there for a good ten seconds, then let it go… But it doesn’t stop there. THEN, she waved her hand in front of her face, you know, to shoo the stink away from her nose, of course.
SERIOUSLY?!
I mean, yeah. It WAS a stinky one. It was possibly one of the stinkiest farts to have escaped from my cheeks, like…EVER.
But still. Who does that? I bet she’s one of those girls who claims she never farts or poops.
Butt-head.
Hilarious! And I’m so happy I’m not the only one who does this (the gas on the elliptical, NOT the bad attitude!)
This made me laugh and blush at the same time. I’ll be honest. I probably would’ve done exactly what that girl did. I have a pretty sensitive nose (and sometimes, a correspondingly sensitive stomach– ever read my coffee/banana post? And ask Allan what happened the last time he made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe… and then walked into the bathroom where he’d just let a nasty one loose), so in my case it wouldn’t be so much copping an attitude as mere survival. At least she didn’t start gasping and coughing?
You know what? I think that girl is a Barbie. And we all know Barbie’s don’t have assholes. So, it’s no wonder she just doesn’t get it.
BTW, real people who really workout, we all let the farts slip. It’s the pretenders who don’t know what it’s all about.
i also TOTALLY have to fart when i work out! it’s gotten to the point that I’m really excited if I have to go to the bathroom before the gym so that i won’t be as gassy. oh my goodness…
but yeah, that girl? seriously, issues man! i hate uptight people like that. isn’t it common courtesy to just pretend it didn’t happen?! that’s what i do!
Next time, find her locker and fart inside of it. Close the door, and leave a spesh-ul little gift for her.
Will it take some time? Yes. Will it be worth it when she faints?
Bonus: eat chili before going.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did she know it was you? I mean you kept staring straight ahead. Maybe she thought it was some stinky guy next to her and didn’t know she’d offend you. I don’t know. It’s still embarrassing either way.
Oh yeah, she knew it was me. The person on the other side of her was a guy that was with her (I think it was her dad), and she definitely glanced at him to make sure it wasn’t him.
I just literally laughed out loud at this. I probably would have started laughing and just blatantly asked her what her problem was. People who act like they never fart or poop crack me up. You should buy the book “Everybody Poops” and leave it by her locker for her.
I had to comment again. Have you read today’s “ShitMyDadSays”? This was posted about 10 minutes ago:
“I don’t get it; I sweat, I smell fine. You sweat, you smell like mule shit…Relax, she’s on the treadmill next to you, she knows.”
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays/statuses/8869637267
I LOVE that you shared this with us. LOL. I have that problem when exercising too (especially the ones where you have to crunch up your abs lol). TOO FUNNY
OK, so I am SUPER SHY about bodily functions. I don’t think farts are funny, and seriously, Andrew is the only person I have ever farted in front of…and had him know it’s me.
BUT. I was at the gym with my mom once, and I’d just eaten tofu (I was a vegetarian for like 7 years) and I let out a silent but absolutely DEADLY fart. My mom started GAGGING and complained all night about the horrible person who’d done that.
I’ve never told her. I hope she doesn’t Google and find this. *crosses fingers*
Farting at the gym is totally normal and one of the least gross things that happens there.
This post and the comments have me laughing till my eyes tear up. So funny and real.
oooohhhhh mmmaaaannnnnn!!!
yeah. people who work out do tend to fart. which is why i hate doing stuff inside. well, that’s not the only reason, but it’s up there. the other reason are things like it’s boring running in place, having to watch other people and watch OUT for other people, yeah. i just hate indoor workouts.
but thanks for sharing, hilarious. the comments too. i love those confessions. just LOVE them.
I don’t do cardio – but yoga is very conducive to letting one slip (it’s nearly impossible you’re all tied up like rope – it’s bound to happen). And it certainly is the norm to just pretend it didn’t happen.
Furthermore… I think it’s even funnier that you didn’t even ASK for confessions lol
Hilarious and amazing!