TMI Thursday: My love-hate relationship with the O-word.
It’s TMI Thursday, peeps. Be afraid.
This morning I was trying to think of any awful/awesome TMI fodder I might have, and was about to declare it a non-TMI Thursday, when my genius husband reminded me:
It’s that time of the month.
Yes, dear readers, my period came this month! And if you haven’t been reading around these parts, that may not mean anything to you, but it’s significant because last month I did NOT get my period, and was all, “Ack! I’m not ready for a baby! And what’s the point of this stupid birth control if I’m gonna get pregnant within the first MONTH of having sex?!”
So when I noticed those first little traces of menstruation juice in my knickers* a couple days ago, to put it in the words of Monty Python: “There was much rejoicing.”
(unenthusiastic “yay…”)
Then came the cramps.
And also the insane moodiness, followed (of course) by irrational BAWLING at the kitchen sink last night while washing dishes with Joe.
And some more cramps.
And some annoying tampon-shoving-and-removal-and-putting-in-and-taking-out…
And then I decided that I wished I WAS pregnant, just so I could avoid this week of getting beaten up by my ovaries.
(Clearly, I’m a very rational person when I’m on my rag.)
But anyway…kind of a mild TMI, I know. Except, didn’t I throw you off a little with the title? “My love-hate relationship with the O-word”? Admit it: you totally thought it was going to be about oranges? Oklahoma? (DUH) orgasms.
Maybe next week.
Oh, and in case this whole post was the lamest thing you’ve read all day, let me rephrase it in the form of a letter.
Dear Ovaries,
We’ve been through a lot together in the last eight years**, and usually when you kick into high gear for that week out of every month, I want to rip you out of my body and stomp you all to pieces so that you will Stop Trying To Kill Me.
But when you didn’t come last month, I almost missed you. Twisted, right?
See, as much as I hate to admit it, I need you in my life. I want kids SOMEDAY, so I have to deal with your monthly beatings in the meantime.
Anyway, this week, I still want to rip you out of my body and stomp you all to pieces. But I’m conflicted, because I also want to become freakishly flexible so I can bend down and kiss you, and say, “Thank you for respecting my wishes and succumbing to the birth control I’ve been force-feeding you. I promise that someday, hopefully before I’m 30, I will make your hard work pay off by giving birth to at least 17 children. But thank you for being patient, and letting me be a childless newlywed for a little bit longer…And hey, Ovaries? Not to kill this sweet moment, but if you don’t EASE THE HECK UP in the next 30 seconds, I’m going back to the wanting-to-kill-you bit. Seriously, OW.”
Simultaneously grateful and downright murderous,
Tabitha
—–
*I never call my underwear/panties/chonies “knickers” — but the girl at Fredrick’s of Hollywood kept calling them that, and it makes me giggle. Does ANYONE really call them knickers anymore?
**Yes, I’ve only had my period for eight years, meaning I didn’t start until I was 16. I was a late bloomer…don’t judge me.
Hahaha! I love it!
I don’t think there’s a female who doesn’t feel the same way about the Oves!! I’m always yelling out “My ovaries are trying to kill me!!” or “My ovaries are moving through my fallopian tubes and it hurts!!” Especially around my brothers and my dad. If I have to suffer, so do they!
Your letter to your ovaries was brilliant, thanks for the smile!
I believe the British still call them “Knickers”. I lvoe that word, it’s full o’ class!
Have fun surfing the crimson wave!
Oh, I totally understand everything you are going through, although it has been many many years since I have had to deal with it. I had to have a hysterectomy over 8 years ago BUT I do remember all the emotions you so clearly expressed!!!!
ummmmm….. yep.
i hear ya on that. well… minus the whole being married/sex thing, but the ovaries thing? oh yeah. definitely hear ya.
i’ve missed you. really. i’m hoping to maybe kinda sorta think about getting another post up. you know, let people know that i haven’t died or anything. yeah…
Ugh, I’m so with you. I wish there was a temporary way we could just TURN IT ALL OFF until we were ready. Sigh.
Yeah, me too. That letter is awesome! I love the visual of getting beaten up by our ovaries. They really can kick some ass!
You are so funny! And I am very glad for you that you are not pregnant. I remember freaking out every month the first year of marriage wondering if my period would show up because I did not want to get pregnant then.
Just sayin’ haha
Do you feel more or less hormonal since being on birth control? I HATED my birth control. It turned me into a horrible person. Ask Josh. He’ll tell you
And don’t wish that you were pregnant instead of having a period
Dear TMI Tabitha…
I wanted to stop reading the moment I first read the word ‘period’ (knowing where it could go, and you being my daughter and all) and probably should have (as here I am, the only GUY replying) but your ‘Dear Ovaries’ letter?
Totally made me LOL at work. (Ok, that sounds like I’m not very ‘sensitive’ about the pain part, but I can assure you I was all ‘bummer; hate that my little girl is hurting’ and stuff before that…really!)
I TOO am a bit conflicted about you and Joe having children…I am SO in love with Levi, and I miss being around Serena & Josh ALL THE TIME now (and I’ve only held Levi ONCE so far) it’s really weird. And exciting at the same time.
’nuff 4 now