TMI Thursday: Twitsgusting.

Well folks, since I’ve been pretty lacking in the TMI zone lately, I’ve finally caved…yep, the moment you’ve all been (unknowingly) waiting for:

“Poo-ems and Other Nuggets by @joelinux: Part 1″

That’s right, friends. My wonderful fiance is on Twitter. Has been for months, actually, but he doesn’t really use it in the most typical ways. Instead, he pretty much exclusively sends tweets about his bowel movements.

See, it used to be that Joe would send mass text messages to all of his buddies the day after their Monday-night pool-playing, loaded-nacho-eating ritual… And these texts were always his noble twisted attempt to out-gross himself from week to week by writing brief lines of poetry or pensive prose.

At some point, his (then) girlfriend (which is to say, me) was unfortunate enough to be added to his list of recipients of these delightful little nuggets (pun totally intended) about his gifts to the Porcelain Master, “John.”

And then, somewhere down the road of our relationship, I urged Joe to join Twitter.

And that’s when THESE little delights started showing up, much more effortlessly on Joe’s end (er, you know, because he only had to select one “recipient”…but “more effortlessly on Joe’s end” could mean other things, too…)

Ready for this?

Here are ALL of the “pooems”  and other nuggets that Joe has tweeted to date. I said “Part 1″ earlier, because I’m sure there will be soooo many more delightful treats to share with you all.

Enjoy!

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tweets from @joelinux, dating from December 2008 to present:

Activia yogurt and a double helping of meat at today’s luncheon just finished a war in my intestines. I lost.

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All that I have gained at Arby’s, I count but loss. This toilet will require psychological help to be made whole again.

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Heavy peppered shrimp! I get to start the new year with my own ring of fire!

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And we ring in 2009 with the first great toilet destruction. This Cheesecake Factory will never be the same. Have you ever heard porcelain whimper?

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Fear and tremble all ye porcelain bowl citizens, for the asscheeks that cloud your skies have returned. And you thought acid rain was bad…

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Claimed ownership of yet another sewer system. The city of OC has now been marked as Joe’s.

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Hark! Now you must listen to my story so smelly! My large dinner has pushed out peanut butter and jelly! My toilet seat…now knows defeat.

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The 44th Intestinal Bombing Wing reports rounds complete on today’s lunchtime serving of Tri-Tip.

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Pasta spiced, lightly fried, kinda nice, say goodbye; now on a tour, of the sewer.

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Today was awesome, no doubt, ’cause for lunch I had In n’ Out. Great food of such fame…just lived up to its name.

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Turns out that the meal finger lickin’, did nothing but quicken, the fuse was then lit, now I’m expelling…waste.

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And from just this morning, his most recent masterpiece reads:

This toilet I did defile, and have made quite a pile, I’ve given my pants a tug, they now feel less snug.

Well…at least we know his intestines are in working order, right? Plus, he’ll look good in his tux in 38 days! All that pooping’s sure to keep him fit as a fiddle.

Happy TMI Thursday!