The Great Pee Race of 2004
Ack! How can it have been over a week since my last blog post? Life seems to be getting exponentially busier the closer I get to my wedding date.
But you probably aren’t surprised, so I won’t bore you with one of those what-I’ve-been-doing-with-my-life posts.
Instead, since it is Tuesday after all, I’ve got another totally peeyourpants-worthy tale to tell you. Literally. (Well, almost.)
The Great Pee Race of 2004
This one, yet again, features my dear friend Kimba. I think we were meant to be friends just so that I could collect thousands of hilarious anecdotes to share with my future blog readers.
Anyway, it was our freshman year. Kim and I were suite-mates, meaning our dorm rooms were connected by a shared bathroom. And that shared bathroom is the topic of probably a third of all our greatest stories. (Maybe I’m exaggerating, but I can think of at least two right off the top of my head. But I digress.)
One day, Kim and I were heading home from classes or chapel or something, and we both remarked that we really really REALLY REEEEALLLLYYY needed to pee. Like, badly. Like, holy-cow-I’m-not-even-sure-if-I-can-make-it-to-the-bathroom!! So we started to power-walk toward our dorm.
Now, there were totally other bathrooms we could’ve used. Like the one inside the cafeteria. Or the one in the first-floor lobby of our dorm building. Or we could’ve barged into any other girls’ room and said, while simultaneously unzipping our pants, “Hey, I don’t know if we’ve met yet, but I’ll introduce myself as soon as I unleash my bladder. Do you mind? Kthanksbye!” But of course, we weren’t that blunt. Usually. Nor were we very logical. We completely ruled out any other possible bladder-relieving locations than our one and only shared toilet, and we decided to race there.
It was completely unfair, because Kim was in WAY better shape than me, and she LIKED running.
So she beat me there. But let me give you the visual play-by-play.
Kim wasn’t about to wait for the elevator to take her up to the fourth floor. I seriously considered it, but I knew she could potentially make it up the stairs before the elevator door even opened for me. So we tumbled into the door which led to the staircase, and we bolted up the four flights, knocking into people who were coming down, and tripping over ourselves and each other to get ahead. Miraculously, it was a close race.
But Kim won. As she reached the top of the fourth flight of stairs, she screamed in anticipation when the prize was finally in sight. The Door.
I wasn’t ready to give up, though. As I watched Kim lunge toward her dorm room door, rather than go the extra ten feet to where MY door was, I followed after her as fast as I could. She opened the door and made an immediate right, reaching to open the door to the bathroom which peacefully resided between our two rooms. And as my bladder pulsed in pain, I reached Kim’s door just as it was about to latch shut.
And I charged. I mean I full-on THREW my body, right shoulder first, into that door.
And it all happened so fast.
Kim hadn’t made it safely into the bathroom yet.
She was behind the door.
And as I thrust it open, into the room, I saw Kim’s body go flying. She toppled to the ground, but not before she crashed into the sink which was positioned just outside the bathroom door.
I stood there with the door open and looked down at my competitor. She looked up at me with such shock and horror, I wasn’t sure if she was seriously injured or just amazed that I had kept up with her.
Then she laughed. And then I laughed. And then we both remembered why we were in this position in the first place.
BLADDERS ON THE VERGE OF BURSTING!
And, since I had just half-killed my suite-mate, I conceded to let her go first.
Thankfully, the only “accident” that day was the part where I knocked Kim over. We both made it to the toilet before our bladders exploded. But let me tell you…that was the LONGEST two minutes I’ve ever had to wait to use the restroom.
