Two Words.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him [in voice].
-Psalm 28:7 (with “two words” personalization)

I just read this post referencing Psalm 28:7 from one of my new blog subscriptions (yay Google Reader!), and felt really convicted. The original ending to the phrase “and I will give thanks to him…” is “in song.” And the writer of this post I read said that “in song” was the psalmist’s method of giving thanks, and he asked, “So what is yours? If you rewrote that for your own life, what would it say?”

I think that the most comfortable way I tend to give thanks to God is in song/worship and in writing, on the rare occasion I manage to journal during my prayer/devo time. But I always feel weird and uncomfortable praying out loud, or just verbalizing anything “spiritual” — and I think the reason is…well, I worry that if I say something like, “God has been showing me…” and then I act differently or in opposition to that statement, I will feel like a hypocrite. Plus, it really feels weird. Like, physically, almost. Maybe because I spent four years among a school full of people who were saying stuff like that all the time and a LOT of the time, I felt like they were being fake or just trying to “fit in” somehow. Maybe because as much as I’ve tried to be myself and be real, my first inclination is still to lean more toward being “safely” myself…you know, like when you don’t act unlike yourself, but you aren’t completely revealing your whole self? (If that makes ANY sense?)

Anyway, I think that I’ve been lacking in the actual FEELING of gratitude because I’m not being intentional enough about saying that I’m grateful. I mean, it’s the same as when I realize how much saying, “I love you” to Joe actually impacts ME and makes me desire to show him love more often. So, I guess I want to get over my hesitancy to vocalize my prayers and thoughts about God and stuff, and just start talking about it more. Praying out loud more. I know it’s something that can become much more comfortable with practice, and I guess it’s about time to start…

Because, um, hello? The Lord is my strength and my shield! My heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy! How can I acknowledge God as my strength and my protector, the one I can trust, and my helper, and NOT give thanks with everything I have? …Including my voice! My song, my writing, my laughter! If my heart is really leaping for joy at the recognition of all God is and does for me (and it is!), why is there this disconnect between my thankful heart and my thankful mouth?

Just some stuff to think about today…for me, I mean. You can think about it too, if you want. But no pressure.