“Just put your lips together and blow.”

Anyone remember that movie quote?

…Okay, I’ll spare you the agony. It’s from Honey I Shrunk the Kids (1989). I think it’s Amy Szalinsky who says it to her neighbor/crush (Russ?), and she’s telling him how easy it is to whistle.

But of course, *lies* I know how to whistle. And anyway, that’s not what this post is even about.

What it is about…is my submission to the January Blog Carnival for a site called 20-something bloggers. I’m not entirely familiar with the “Carnival” concept, except that it seems to be a monthly call for people to blog about a certain topic and then share posts. So anyway, the topic of the January Blog Carnival is “First Kiss.”

And so, for all you eager *sarcasm* readers just dying to know how the quote in the subject ties in with this non-whistling post, here is my appropriately-titled (and subtitled) January Blog Carnival post.

“Just Put Your Lips Together and Blow” – A First Kiss Story
“If at first you don’t succeed…laugh at your epic fail and hope someone can relate.”

My first real kiss was on October 30, 2000 with a boy named Corwin. But my real “First Kiss” — if we’re being honest, here — was about a year before that (you’ll understand the distinction by the end of this story, I hope). I was a freshman in high school, I played flute in the marching band, and I had my first high school boyfriend, Andrew. Andrew was a sophomore, and he played the tenor sax. He was into anime, and we would write each other letters which we would exchange between classes, always folding them in those crazy letter-folding ways we all learned to do back in the ’90s. (Please tell me you know what I’m talking about?) And, being into anime, he always drew little Pokemon-looking cartoons on the outside of the folded letter, which made my little freshman heart melt.

Being in marching band, we had a lot of weekend competitions, usually several hours away from our school. So we would all load up into buses, complete with instruments, marching shoes, uniforms and embarrassing plumed helmets, and we’d go compete. If you’ve ever taken a bus with a group of schoolmates, you know what kind of stuff goes on. Truth or Dare, 20 Questions, I’ve Never…all that great stuff.

During one such trip, after Andrew and I had been “an item” for a few weeks, we were heading home from a competition and a bunch of people were playing Truth or Dare. One guy kept daring people to “make out” with each other (remember that — “make out”). Andrew and I were contentedly sitting together, holding hands, and probably talking about something totally band-nerdy, but also listening to this game of T or D. In my head, I was just thinking, “Oh crap…please don’t let them ask us! PLEEEEASE don’t let them ask us! I don’t want my first kiss to be on a bus full of band members! And I don’t even know how to make out!”

But alas…the time did come when the attention was drawn to us. And then that fateful moment came, when some guy looked me in the eyes and said, “Tabitha, I dare you and Andrew to KISS!”

(Okay, did you catch that? He said “kiss.” Not “make out.” Just wanted to be sure we’re all on the same page here.)

Panicked as I was, I was relieved to have been dared just to “kiss” Andrew. See, I stupidly thought that somehow that meant (and would be mutually understood) that we only had to KISS. Like a little peck on the lips, and we’re done. Right? (Aside: I’m seriously sitting here right now, holding my hands out like a balance, thinking, “Kiss…” *left hand goes up* “Make out…” *right hand goes up* “KISSSSSS…” *left hand* “MAKE OUUUUUTT…” *right hand* — THEY’RE NOT THE SAME, PEOPLE!)

Well, apparently Andrew heard “make out.” So he leaned in for what I was praying would be a quick, easy, totally life-changing little kiss…and instead approached my face with his mouth wide open and his tongue just taunting me there, as if to say, “Alalalaaaaa, let me lick your teeth!” And I…

Well…

I totally blew it.

Literally. The instant his lips touched mine, I blew a hot gust of breath right into his mouth. He was quite visibly (and understandably) stunned.

We both retracted our faces from the immediate vicinity of each other’s face, and we stared straight forward, silent for what felt like 37 hours…but was probably more like ten minutes. Fortunately, everyone who had been participating in the game of Truth or Dare assumed we had kissed, it was over, and they cheered for a second before moving on to another target. (Thank you, Lord, for the darkness of that bus!)

So there you have it. My true “first kiss” story. I still don’t consider it a REAL kiss; hence, my declaration that my first REAL kiss wasn’t until about a year later. But that’s another, thankfully less embarrassing, story. Oh, and for the record, Andrew and I broke up after a couple of weeks, never attempting to “finish” the kiss that we started that night. And also…I still debate within myself whether it was more embarrassing to blow into a guy’s mouth when he tried to kiss me, or to swoon over his ridiculous anime drawings like they were one of Shakespeare’s sappiest, most romantic sonnets.